Eucharia's Runaway Husband

Comfort Obi

I am not a fanatic of the Nigerian home video industry, popular as Nollywood. But Nollywood is growing. If properly managed, it would help the economy and boost Nigeria's image. It is already generating revenue for Nigeria, and employment to hundreds of people.
What put me off is the attitude of some of the actors and actresses. The fake lives they live. Their fake accent. Their “forcing guy,” or what I call their "notice-me-or-I-die attitude." Their ambition is to behave like Hollywood actors and actresses. Nothing is too obscene for them to discuss on the pages of newspapers and magazines. They want the public to know how many men, or women, they had slept with, their sexual fantasies, and preferences. A couple of weeks ago, one of them told the public she had made love to a man in a car, and that her ambition is to do the same in an elevator! Some of the actresses go about almost naked. Their love for tattoo (on their breasts and bums), a thing made for those in the ghetto, is perplexing. In America, those who did it out of youthful exuberance and/or ignorance, now spend tens of thousands of dollars in the hands of doctors seeking cosmetic surgery – to cover-up their tattoos. They love the Hollywood – like marriage. Marry today, divorce tomorrow, and marry again and again. Some of them fight in public over boyfriend, girlfriend issues.
Yet, the attitudes observed above are not general in character. Some of them have carried themselves well, and have been of immense help and blessing to the society and their families.
One of those who fit the bill here is Eucharia Anunobi. I know I have had to worry, atimes, about her manner of dressing. I know I have had to blush when she bares all, almost. At those times, I guess she was caught by the bug of “flaunt what you have, no matter how indecent,” I remember, with shock, one red dress she wore to a party early last year or so. It was soon after that that the rumour of her troubled marriage began.
But Eucharia is one actress nobody can ignore. In spite of the weight which she suddenly packed, she is very pretty, and in her words, "sexy." Unlike a few of her colleagues who wouldn’t finish their education, she is well read. She made a second class upper division in English at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka. She has been a pillar, I am well informed, to her family. She took charge, and put her siblings through school. And she is a good actress.
Like a few of her colleagues, she got married on the job. Like them, either she did not study the guy she married, or she just wanted to have the prefix, Mrs, attached to her name. But Eucharia actually wanted to stay married, and raise a christian family. It didn't work.
Soon after she married one Charles Ekwu, whose job nobody quite knew, stories of wife-battering began to make the rounds. She kept denying it. She insisted she was enjoying her marriage. But one morning, in March, 2007, her husband absconded from the house, and abandoned her and their baby boy, Ray.
I know it is embarrassing. But more embarrassing has been Eucharia's reaction to her abandonment by the unrepentant, prodigal husband. It is as if her world had come to an end. She refused to be consoled. She granted interviews where she admitted, in tears, that her husband had absconded. In the middle of such interviews, she would, inelegantly, burst into tears. She complained of loneliness at night. She whined that each night, when she wakes up, and finds her husband’s side of the bed empty, she would start weeping. She said that there was nobody to offer her the intimacy between a husband and wife. My sympathy for her soon dissolved to disgust. What is it, I asked myself, would she be missing from an obviously irresponsible husband? Why would a woman be whining and mourning a husband who was not man enough to face her, and tell her he wanted out of the marriage? I loathed the undignified manner she continued to bemoan her fate, and kept asking what she did wrong. Whatever happened to self pride?
One year after, Eucharia is still moaning and whining. She said last week, in arranged interviews, that her husband’s “disappearance” is still painful to her. Why? She talks about the burden of looking after their only child, alone, being too heavy for her. Why? Hasn’t Eucharia heard of single mothers before? She reveals that what makes it more difficult for her to bear is that their son, Ray – the only product of the marriage – is a victim of the sickle cell anemia. So what? In any case, that obviously is a problem she brought upon herself. As educated and exposed as Eucharia is, (I don’t know about her absconded husband’s credentials), did she not know her genotype before she got married, and became pregnant? Why didn’t she check it out, or did the guy lie to her about his own genotype? Perhaps. A man who would irresponsibly abandon his wife and son, when there was no quarrel, would do anything. Both of them owe their son, Ray, an apology. And it is not Eucharia's job to make her son's state of health public. It is his prerogative when he grows up.
Eucharia is an actress. She gets well paid for her jobs. Perhaps, she engages in other businesses too. And, I guess, a woman as attractive as her will not be lacking in men’s attention. So, what has she lost? Considering the revelation in her interviews last week, she lost nothing. The guy was absolutely useless to her, even when it came to intimate affairs between husband and wife. In her words, Charles was a “husband whose only contribution was to spend his days outside of the family, return home late, perhaps drunk, eat his meal, and sleep off, starving the woman of intimacy…”
So, of what use was this guy to Eucharia? If he was that useless, why is she missing him, whining and bemoaning her fate? Or, are there things she is not telling?
Some words for Eucharia: One year after, you ought to have gotten over Charles. Move on with your life. Take care of your baby boy, you can. He will survive. You are a role model to many young girls. Don’t let them think that they must stay in a bad marriage, endure being battered by an absolutely useless and irresponsible husband, and live a lie, because they have to answer Mrs. What is more: Age is on your side. If you so desire, and depending on how you carry yourself, you will get married again. Okay?